Picture This

As I wait for my placenta to expel itself, I see my husband slowly walk through the crowd of nurses and doctors.  In his arms is a frail lifeless beauty.  With tears streaming down his face he whispers, "what do we name her?"  Nearly lifeless myself I managed to say, "Though this is an awful event, she is worth celebrating.  Let's name her Jubilee Eden."  He continues to cry and holds Jubilee close to his heart as he follows the doctors, nurses, and his struggling wife to the next destination in the hospital.

Through my screams and horrid pain, I manage to look to my left.  I see a broken and devastated father holding his once active baby girl.  I felt his utter devastation but my body was dead to any emotion.  I couldn't manage to cry a tear, which broke my heart even more.  Once the doctors stitched me up and figured they put me through enough torture for one night, I finally had a chance to hold Jubilee.  I held her close and smelled a fragrant smell only a mother could appreciate.  But not even then could my morphine'd and numb body conjure up any feeling, even though my heart was shattered into a million pieces.  The next morning would be the last time we could handle holding her lifeless body.  We didn't want our memories to be filled with the look of death, but with the hope of eternity.

My Dearest Jubilee,

   How I long for this nightmare to end and to finally have you resting in my arms once again.  I know, to be on this Earth is only temporary.  But to wait so long to touch you again and see your face, is more like an evil torture!
   This house that was once full of anticipation of your beautiful arrival, is now full of this certain emptiness only God can now fulfill.  A gorgeous bassinet I searched the internet for months for is now full of what are now distant memories.  Picture frames that were suppose to have years full of photos of you will continue to only have one.  Cloth diapers that I knew in my heart would be WAY to small will continue to collect dust in the cabinet.  The plethora of clothes a beautiful hearted woman gave us for you will continue to be boxed up until I can stand looking at them again.  A beautiful snowflake wrap I longed to hold you in the first part of your fragile life, is thrown under the bassinet with no purpose anymore.  Arms and hearts your warmth was suppose to fill are now cold and broken. 
   We all will heal with time, but we will never forget you and what you have done for us.  Daddy and Mommy promise to walk out our God given destiny here on Earth and we'll be there in heaven with you one sweet day.  May you have fun playing with God, your Great Grandparents, and all your friends in the mean time.  I love you forever, my baby you'll be!

Love,
  MOMMY