Pawn to QUEEN

After a month of trials and a month to recover we are back to something that resembles normalcy.  Two months!  I can't believe it has been two months and a month in a half since my husband diagnosis. 

With a precious face permanently ingrained in my mind's eye and the compassion I felt for my dearest husband when he found out his news in my heart.  I'm glad this part of life has passed.  But I'm not sorry for what it has taught me. 

I had the choice to fall apart and lose myself in the sorrow and pity.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to down play the still healing wound it has left on my heart.  BUT the choice to live or die (to the situation) wasn't easy.  To live, I had to fully lean on and trust that He knew I would one day feel what it would be like to truly smile and live again.  Though I haven't fully gotten there yet, my time at a recent Christian women's retreat has given me such peace.


THE PAWN

"With every battle comes authority"

Anne Stock from Life Center in Harrisburg, PA had a message that spoke right to my heart.  In the game chess there is a piece called the pawn.  The first move the pawn can take is a two space move, but after the first initial move the pawn can only move one space at a time.  If the pawn gets offended (captured), the pawn is wiped off the board.  BUT, if the pawn is played correctly and gets to the other side of the board the pawn becomes QUEEN!  I honestly have no clue how to play chess, but you get the picture. 

I'm THAT pawn, trying to get to the other side without getting WIPED off the board.  I have to fully rely on my King to guide me to become the queen I always dreamed of being.  And with every battle won, I gain more authority in His kingdom!  (Hahaha EAT THAT SATAN!  I KNOW YOU didn't think I would get it.  I could hear YOU trying to whisper bitter curses in my ear.  BUT HA, take them back to the pits of hell where they and YOU belong!!) 

My victories in my life are in MY KING!

During the retreat, one of the three speakers came over to me and asked if she could pray for me (while reading this, please note she had no clue, at first, what was going on in my life).  She placed her hand on my heart and told me I didn't have to "stay strong" any more.  She prayed my broken heart would mend.  She told me whatever had happen to me God knew I was just doing what I thought was best.  She prayed everything would be restored...DOUBLE, DOUBLE, DOUBLE (which if you know me, I definitely got a little giggle out of it)!!  She than looked at me and said, I see three child en surrounding you (ok for those who don't believe in prophetic, please don't bash me because I DO, with caution of course).  She prayed a little bit more, than looked at me again and asked if I was with child.  Then I told her I lost a baby in January and she was like OH that's what that is.  She prayed and told me it was ok to question the Lord.  In the end she look at me right in the eye and told me not to worry because I will have more healthy LIVING babies. 

I cried and cried hard.  God knew how much I needed to cry and be comforted by Him.  Though I knew in my heart I would be pregnant again, the confirmation God gave me made my heart smile.  Jubilee will NEVER be replaced, but what was taken from me will be restored...DOUBLE!!  Haha and NO that doesn't necessarily mean we'll have twins, so don't go jumping out of your seats...yet. 

At the end of the retreat the speakers handed out ribbons of Bible verses.  The prayed over each Bible verse, that the right verse would go to the right woman.  This was my verse:

2 Timothy 2:4-7 (NKJV)

  "No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.  And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.  The hardworking farmer must be first to partake of the crops.  Consider what I say, and may the Lord give you understanding in all things."


There's a Place For Us by Carrie Underwood

There’s a place out there for us,
more than just a prayer or anything we ever dreamed of.
So if you feel like giving up cause you don’t fit in down here,
fear is crashing in, close your eyes and take my hand.

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It’s written in the stars that shine above,
a world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong,
exactly who we are is just enough
there’s a place for us, there’s a place for us.

Where the water meets the sky,
where your heart is free and hope comes back to life,
when these broken hands are whole again,
we will find what we’ve been waiting for,we were made for so much more
We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It’s written in the stars that shine above,
a world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong,
exactly who we are is just enough,
yes there’s a place for us, now there’s a place for us

So hold on, now hold on,
there’s a place for us

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It’s written in the stars that shine above,
a world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong,
exactly who we are is just enough, exactly who we are is just enough,
there’s a place for us.