When Purity Stops at 'I DO'

Each person has their own convictions, this is the story of mine.  If your "offended" go to God!  But before I get into the controversial topic, just a quick update:

Busy, busy, busy has been the theme here at the Wilson household this past weekend.  We had a weekend of break through's, blessings and family!

This past weekend, David and I were able to attend a church event where Dale and LuAnn Mast were the speakers.  There were three different sessions and we were only planning to go to one.  Since it was David's weekend to work, I didn't think he would have the energy to attend, but God got us to ALL THREE!  Looking back there was one major thing we got out of each session.  I'm so glad we didn't listen to our flesh and went with our initial instinct that "God has something important for us".  I will tell you, if we didn't go, we wouldn't have had the BREAK THROUGH we did on Tuesday!  But you'll have to read about that one on a later date!

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WHEN PURITY STOPS AT 'I DO'

During my prayer, praise and soaking God really hit me with something I struggled with all my life.  MY BODY!  When I was becoming a teen, my pediatric doctor (female by the way) told me how perfect my body was becoming and how I had body measurements women can only dream about.  Little did she know, those comments would have a huge affect on my life, in SO many ways.  I struggled for sooo many years with my body.  But not only was the struggle with my body image but the way I presented my body! 

This is what started my healing:

About a month ago a friend of mind publicly asked her friend's about bathing suits.  The question was along the lines of...what are your opinion's about two piece bathing suits.  Let me tell you, I would be the FIRST to say, "honey if you have the body, please wear a bikini for those who can't!  Because if I had a body like your's, I'd be wearing a bikini as well!"  But this time my heart changed.  My first reaction was DON'T, there are sick men out there who get off on your body.  Which isn't a lie, but that wasn't the only reason I wanted to say no it's not appropiate.

Once upon a time I did have the body to wear the beautiful Victoria Secret crocheted gold bikini I so desparately wanted to wear again this summer.  But what happened to that desparity I once had to wear a bikini?  Did it disappear because of my weight?  I sat down and stewed in my battling spirit.  I haven't fought my flesh like this in a long time.  Honestly this battle really hurt but it's one that would SET ME FREE!!

The Lord flew me on the ground in anger and tears.  We had a conversation like I never experienced with the Lord before (one I'll remember forever):

Me:  Most women wear bikinis and some wear clothing that's even worse.  Men have an issue if women are fully covered up!
God: That's not the point. 
Me:  I don't understand why this is even a question, bikinis just got a bad name from jealous women who can't wear bikini's.  I won't become one of "those" women.
God:  Not the point, Christa.  Is that how you feel about yourself?  Jealous?
Me:  I'm not happy with my body but that's nothing a LOT of exercise can't change.
God:  How would it make you feel if you could wear a bikini?
Me:  I can show off my wonderful body once again.
God:  So, you would be proud of showing something I made sacred between your husband and you?
Me:  But we are married, I can show it off.  PLUS, David can finally be proud to show off his "hot" wife...well once I lost weight.
God:  What is your need to show your body to "everyone else"?  Do you not honor your husband or Me?  Do you not cherish yourself?  How is your attitude going to affect your children?
Me:......hmmm, what does a bikini have ANYTHING to do with this?
God:  It has NOTHING to do with a bikini it has EVERYTHING to do with how you see yourself Christa.  I want you to see yourself, like I see you!  Your worth so much more than just your body.  There's nothing wrong with looking nice and there's nothing wrong with having a healthy slim body.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with looking sexy for your husband, in the right setting.  But how do you expect to honor Me, your husband and yourself, if your showing everything off to "everyone" else?  First of all, you're suppose to honor Me with your body and if your distracting men and even women with your body, your keeping their focus on you and not ME.  Second of all, your husband should cherish you soooo much, he wants YOU and all of YOU for himself.  No one else should be seeing or thinking of your body the way your husband does. 
Me:  Well I can't help what other's are thinking.
God:  No, but to make a battle worse for someone else because of your ignorance, doesn't make you a better person.  For example, what if David looked at porn, is that ok with you?  Does that honor you?
Me:  No
God:  Because?
Me:  Because he is mentally having an affair with those women. 
God:  EXACTLY, his sexual thoughts should be for you, your his wife.  You are deserving of his love, his sensual thoughts and so much more!  And even though you can't control other people's thoughts, you can control what you do and what you wear.  Your honoring your sister's in Christ by gaurding their husband's/future husband's heart and mind.  What example would you be setting for Trinity or even Dawson?
Me:  I would be telling Trinity it would be ok to dishonor other's through the way she dresses and it's ok for her to be dishonored as well.  I would be telling Dawson it's ok to look at women in a disrepectful manner, which could cause huge honor issues late in life.
God:  Don't you think your child deserves to be honored and respected?
Me: Of course!
God:  That's how I think of all of my children! 

Our conversation hit my like a tsunami!  How did I let something SO superficial come before God?  I always struggle with how I presented my body.  I had many motto's, one was, "If you have it flaunt it!"  But I have learned I've been wrong for a long time!  I have learned there's a fine line between wanting to loose weight to be sexy for others and losing weight to be healthy.  I learned when I do lose all my weight, my desire is to be sexy for my husband...not ANYONE else!  But my ultimate desire is to be CUT FREE from the cookie cutter life and be a monumental wife!!  When I die, I want to leave a legacy for my daughter(s) of honor, purity, respect, love and all those other fuzzy words. 

What do you choose to leave behind for your children??

1 Corinthians 6: 19-20
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own, you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body."