OVERWHELMED

STRESS
David and I have been stressing out about finding out the test results Wednesday.  Though we've had many hours together, we really haven't had a good talk about all of our current feelings.  But in the midst of all this stress we've been feeling, our babies were due back home.  I was so excited to have Trinity home, I told David we should have Dawson back home too.  Dawson wasn't due back until Sunday.  We missed our babies SO much, we wanted both of them home!  David's mother dropped Dawson off and we were all home as a family.

Shortly after Dawson arrived, David started getting overhelmed with the babies being home.  He was trying to sleep and the babies just wanted to play and spend quality time with us.  I was trying to make dinner and David had trouble controlling the babies without getting frustrated.  We soon realized having the children home was too overwhelming for the both of us.  We were dealing with something FAR too underlying and our feelings were coming out in frustrations.

David mentioned we should give ourselves more time and call his parents.  Though I knew I was stressed out by more than just my children being around, I started to ball my eyes out.  I started to question my ability to be a mother.  Every normal mother could take care of their children and their injured/sick husband, why couldn't I?  Why was I such a failure?!

After the children were gone David knew we need time together to just talk.  We decided to take a evening drive and just talk out all of our feelings.

We are feeling competely overwhelmed to say the least!  The anxious wait to find out the test results is driving us completely to the nut house.  Though we believe David can fully be healed, WHAT IF?!  Also the financial strain this year has brought, has brought us humbly to our knees.  Though our insurance is fabulous, we still didn't anticipate all the different co-pays for the doctor's visits and prescriptions (for the both of us).  We still have no clue how we are going to afford our heating bill, electric bill, gas, and food!  We know God will take care of us and provide ALL of our needs, but we can't help but be worried.  But most of all we worry about our spiritual relationship.  Do we doubt God too much that he won't bless us?  Will He not allow healing if we doubt He can heal?  We are stronger and more closer then God ever, but will our human doubt be the demise of us?  Oh Lord please have mercy and forgive us!

"I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth!"

I better get to bed, we have church in the early morning and I still have to pray!  Please keep David and I in your prayers, today was definitely a rough day.